I needed Julie's words this week.
I needed to hear her - always faithful, always optimistic about the world.
I needed to be reminded of one of my favorite hymns, lyrically speaking.
I live in a world of mental chaos.
My brain never turns off
not when I watch tv,
not when I surf facebook,
not when I read,
not even when I sleep.
It's not uncommon for me to wake up in the midst of a panic attack at this point in my life.
When you live like this, it's hard sometimes to find the good in the world.
It's hard to feel like there will ever be a day when I'll be able to breathe peacefully without measuring my breath.
I know it will happen; it has happened before.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
I'm privileged to have good insurance, good doctors, good (?) medications, and an amazing support network of family and friends.
I'm not depressed, I'm not angry.
I'm just exhausted.
That's where I live.
Which is why I need a dear friend like Julie.
I need her to remind me that even as we grieve that which is wrong and broken and distorted in our world, that love divine is reigning over us (Julie, that's my favorite line!).
Love divine is reigning over us.
We do everything we can to thwart that reigning love!
Oh how we try to get out from under it!
But the problem with trying to overthrow a reign of love is that it's just not possible.
Nothing is as strong as love.
No matter how hard I try, the God who loves me with that all-consuming, unfailing love
And that means that in the end, I win.
So, Julie, like you I choose to live into this.
Ever singing, move we onward
Victors in the midst of strife....
I will keep singing.
On the days it's hard to get out of bed.
On the days when I find a little peace.
I will keep singing, keep moving myself toward that divine love.
Because even in the midst of the turmoil, I've already won.
Love divine holds me.
Love divine suffers with me.
Love divine continues to walk me through this valley.
And love will do the same for you, my friend.
Let's keep singing this gorgeous triumphant song of life!